Muntadar al-Zaida: An American Story

Muntadar al-Zaidi: An American Story
By JT Seravat

So what’s next for the shoe-throwing Iraqi journalist?

So you don’t know or haven’t memorized the name Muntadar al-Zaidi yet?

That’ll change.

Here’s what’s in store for the soon-to-be-famous Iraqi reporter who threw his shoes at President George W. Bush. The man who will soon surpass Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher as 2008’s most insignificant person who was turned into a media darling, celebrity, author, speaker and –dare we say it?

Sarah Palin’s Vice Presidential running mate in 2012.

It will of course all start innocently enough.

A Sports Illustrated columnist will write a humor column about how Muntadar al-Zaidi was pretty accurate with his two throws. He’ll go on about both throws being in the strike zone, how Bush was crowding the plate and how clearly the other Iraqi journalists thought Al-Zaidi was throwing at Bush and that’s why they rushed from their chairs and a brawl ensued. The reporter appears on ESPN the same day.

This story will be noticed by a young public relations guy at the New York Yankees who will tell his boss George Steinbrenner. Steinbrenner, always looking for publicity (good or bad) invites Al-Zaidi to throw out the first pitch at the Yankees first spring training game in Florida in 2009.

After a reporter at AdAge magazine is tipped off about the Yankees story, he calls an agent friend with United Talent Agency and tells him the story.

The agent jumps on the firm’s new Gulfstream G5 jet, recently purchased from General Motors, and heads to Baghdad. A little payoff here and a payoff there and soon Al-Zaidi and his shoes are released into the agent’s personal recognizance and allowed to leave Iraq.

After a few phone calls from the Gulfstream, more than 300 reporters and photographers are waiting at JFK International Airport for the arrival of the agent and Muntadar “The Shoe Thrower” Al-Zaidi.

An exclusive with Matt Lauer of NBC’s Today Show the following morrning and then it’s over to Simon & Schuster to sign the contracts and pick up the $5 million advance check on Al-Zaidi’s book, “Terror in Iraq: The Story of One Brave Journalist and His Shoes.”

At a press conference, the agent tells the drooling media, “Well, there are still many offers coming in for Mr. Al-Zaidi’s services. We can today announce that we have signed an $8 million deal with Nike.”

CBS’ Katie Couric books the 30-minute “serious journalism” interview with Al-Zaidi, which will be aired over 10 nights on the CBS Evening News. (CBS spokesman adds “maybe 12 nights if we can sign Budweiser for the complete run.”)

Al-Zaidi’s left shoe is sold on eBay for $1,389,471.

Al-Zaidi’s agent circulates a rumor that Brittany Spears wishes to meet the journalist and then denies it as “just a rumor.”

Al-Zaidi is seen partying with Madonna and friends at some of NYC’s hottest clubs.

Two days later, Al-Zaidi goes hunting in Alaska with Sarah and “First Dude” Todd Palin. Palin’s people deny there were any discussions about 2012.

All is going well for Al-Zaidi. The next two weeks include an appearance on Letterman, a tentative film deal with Sony, an appearance with Dick Clark on New Year’s Eve and a Middle Eastern cooking segment with Emeril Live.

All the fame and fortune, however, comes to an end Jan. 15.

While appearing with Tom Cruise at a charity event for the Church of Scientology in Los Angeles, a reporter yells out, “O.J. has escaped from prison.”

Indeed O.J. Simpson had escaped from the High Desert State Prison in Indian Springs, Nev.

In a sad ending to the story of Muntadar “The Shoe Thrower” al-Zaidi, he and Cruise are trampled to death by the media running to their vehicles and satellite trucks to find Simpson.

Al-Zaidi’s agent sells the right to his client’s life story to Sony Pictures for $24.6 million.

First published December 16, 2008

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC