Palin to write a book

Where are Shi Huang and Li Si when you need them?
By JT Tavares

For those of you without a master’s degree in Chinese history, Shi Huang founded the Qin Dynasty in 221 B.C.E., and Li Si served as Huang’s Prime Minister.

More to the point, these guys burned books – lots and lots of books.

Including the books of Confucians.

Confucians were the followers of Chinese philosopher Confucius (551-479 B.C.E.).

He’s the guy who wrote, “Leaning without thought is labor lost; thought with learning is perilous.”

Hard to disagree with that, even in 2008, or in Alaska, or when listening to Sarah Palin speak.

So my question is this: If these guys got to burn Confucius’ books, can’t we start throwing wood and gasoline into 55-gallon barrels and get ready to burn Sarah Palin’s book?

Rumors are circulating that Palin could receive a $7 million advance to “you know, write and well, talking is right about, and if I do talk about writing, I’ll be floating a book writing and projects that, well it’s about the economy and jobs, and then writing.”

If you don’t understand that, just sit back and hallucinate what you think her book might contain.

Timothy O’Leary, who wrote “Confessions of a Hope Fiend” in 1973, was most likely still getting some pretty good LSD flashbacks then. Probably good enough to actually witness then-Soviet Premier Leonid Brezhnev float over his house and through the room where he was writing his book AND he only got a $250,000 advance ($1.2 million in today’s dollars).

Now, of course we can’t burn books, anyone’s book, for reasons even Bill O’Reilly wouldn’t argue with.

So, I have a better idea.

On Jan. 20, 2009, President Barack Obama should issue the following executive order:

“By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, including the pleading and begging of many professional writer and copy editors associations, it is hereby ordered that any Governor of a state in the United States or former Governor of any state in the United States wishing to write a book, shall published said book, written exclusively by that Governor without the aid of anyone. Therefore, the published book shall contain only the thoughts and writings of the Governor without any assistance from other writers, copy editors, proofreaders or ‘third-graders at Gladys Wood Elementary School in Alaska.’ ”

Hell, if Palin agrees to those terms and writes her book without any assistance, I’ll buy it and read it at a Starbucks. That way, there will be someone around to call 911 as I lay on the floor unable to stop laughing.

First published December 11, 2008

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC