Government should buy cars

On March 3, 2009 Ford is announcing vehicle sales down 48 percent, Toyota is down 40 percent and General Motors is down more than 50 percent.

GM, Ford and Chrysler have been given billions of dollars and may need more.

A thought for the U.S. government — buy cars.

It worked for Parmesan cheese makers and it can work for automakers.

That's right in December 2008, the Italian government decided to purchase 100,000 wheels of Parmesan cheese to save that industry.

The Italians spent $50 million for the cheese, which was then donated to charities to feed the poor.

So, here's the idea. Don't give the automakers any more money, instead, buy new cars.

Have those cars delivered to a large lot somewhere and maintained until an auto policyholder at AIG has his/her car deemed totaled. Instead of AIG shelling out money for the policyholder to buy a new car, they get one from the U.S. government and give it to the policyholder.

We buy two million cars from the U.S. automakers and a smaller number from foreign automakers who operate plants in this country.

Total cost for the U.S. government would be around $50 billion plus a few tens of millions for storage and transportation costs.

Hell, if we work it right maybe Hillary could work with the Italian Secretary of State to throw in a pack of cheese in exchange for a few deeds to some houses in Florida.

Discrimation Amongst Rich Criminals

The judge in the bail hearing of Sarasota, Fla. hedge fund manager Arthur G. Nadel, has agreed to release Nadel on $5 million bail. However, the arrangement further requires $1 million in cash and the bond must be supported by four "financially responsible people" without a financial connection to the case or to Nadel or his former company.

Nadel,who is charged with one count of securities fraud and one count of wire fraud in a case involving allegedly defrauding investors out of $300 million, is likely to be unable to meet the bail, according to his attorney.

Meanwhile, in Manhattan, Bernie Madoff, who faces similar charges, involving alleged defrauding of investors out of $50 billion, sits comfortably in his $7 million apartment with only the discomfort of an ankle braclet.

And of course somewhere in Florida, a man sits in jail awaiting trial on theft of a six pack of beer, from a local convenience store.

I believe Goddess Liberty, or Lady Liberty if you prefer, is wearing her blindfold in front of courthouses across this country because she can no longer bare to see what justice has become in America.

First published February 27, 2009

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC

Alan "Greedspan"

For those who haven't seen the CNBC David Faber documentary, "House of Cards" or the Frontline "Inside the Meltdown" produced by Michael Kirk, you need to.

Both programs take the time to explain in clear concise terms the undisputable facts of how the banking crisis occurred.

All the rest is just excuses and babble.

When one hears former Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan matter-of-factly says, "...it wasn't that these people were dumb, they knew precisely what was going on, the vast majority of them thought that they knew when to get out. It was a failure of our best and brighest."

Then there was this exchange:

Faber: "These were not poor decisions, these were the worst decisions that financial executives have ever made. Greed runs through this."

Greeenspan: "Absolutely. And your going to pass legislation which is going to outlaw that? Try it.

Faber: "You still firmly believe in the power of free markets?"

Greenspan: "I firmly believe that because I know of nothing in the evidence of the alternatives."

This acceptance by Greenspan, who once admitted not understanding the complexities of the details of how high-risk bundled mortgages could receive triple AAA ratings by Moody's and other rating services speaks to the fundamental problems with an unregulated financial mechanisms.

The trillion-dollar mortgage business was one such mechanisms.

Court documents in the conviction of a Countrywide loan officer in Florida state that when one borrower could not afford a home because of inadequate income, a photo of the man standing in front of his sole proprieter business pickup truck was all the branch manager required to approve the high-risk loan.

Another borrower, a housekeeper, was given a $500,000 plus loan and told to get a couple of renters to live in the spare bedrooms to make the interest only payments.

There are millions of examples of this greed by loan officers, some of whom acting as "salesman" had no formal training.

When Greenspan sarcastically asks if we are going to "legislate that"(greed).

Perhaps we should take his challenge and "try it."

You Do Not Exist

FLORIDA FOLLOWS NEW RULES FROM HOMELAND SECURITY REGARDING ID - DOES IT HAVE FLAWS - WELL YES, A FEW.

Here are the new rules as released by the Sarasota County Tax Collector Barbara Ford - Coates:
"Florida now requires additional documents for people renewing or obtaining their Florida driver license or identification card, according to Sarasota County Tax Collector Barbara Ford-Coates. The changes are required to bring Florida into compliance with the Department of Homeland Security’s Real ID act.

To renew or obtain a license or identification card, residents must now have:

• Two proofs of residence such as:

• Deed.
• Monthly mortgage statement.
• Residential rental/lease agreement.
• Utility hook-up (or work order) dated within 60 days of the application.

Minors, students, or others without those documents can use school related information.

• Proof of your Social Security number such as:

• Social Security card.
• Tax return.
• W-2 form.
• Pay check stub.
• DD-214 (military discharge document).
• School record.

To get a license or identification card for the first time residents also must have:

• Two proofs of identity such as:

• Valid passport
• Out-of-state driver license
• Original or certified birth certificate (name on each document must match exactly or be accompanied by an official marriage certificate or court order)

Minors also may use a written statement from parents.

Non-U.S. citizens must provide additional documents such as:

• Valid permanent resident card.
• Employment authorization card"

Hey Charlie and his friends over at the Department of Motor Vehicles:

Do you people think these things through before you put out this stuff.

For example, likely tens of thousands if not higher number of people are ineligible under the "two proofs of residence." What if they rent an apartment or motel room that has all utilities included so therefore the only one of three options they have is a "residential rental/lease agreement"

As far as the third item, first time residences, well everyone should have or could get a birth certificate. But suppose you didn't have a drivers license in the other state because you are handicapped and don't drive or just didn't want to own a car. And if you never travel to countries that require a passport why would you have one.

Therefore many first-time residents will have only one on the two forms of "proof of identity," their birth certificate.

Really Charlie doesn't anyone proof read this stuff before they issue it as policy.

Bureaucrats gone wild, again.

First published February 17, 2009

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC

Is justice coming?

Perhaps we will come out of this self-inflicted recession soon.

What then?

Do we go back to the same market economy that mutated in the 1980s into a system based on the pressures of ever greater- quarterly profits, constantly rising stock prices, salary and bonus systems for CEOs and upper management based on short term thinking and profiteering?

If banks, auto manufacturers and others realize they can get all the money they need from the U.S. taxpayer if they screw up. Why not start the same flawed practices that made them record profits before the downturn?

Any 18-25 year old whose parents bail them out learns that lesson.

So shouldn't we be planning now to mandate government regulations to control the practices and procedures of corporations gone wild?

According to Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) and Chairman of the Financial Services Committee, the President is planning to do just that.

The NYSE and other exchanges, the pro-business, anti-labor commentators on CNBC and CEOs will be all over the media threatening to hold their breath, scream and roll around on the floor when these controls are announced.

Larry Kudlow will have documented proof that the sky will fall.

If corporate America is so opposed to government regulation that actually works perhaps they should calm down first and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, to calm their nerves.

Or perhaps they could have a "retention award." That would calm them down.

The problem for corporate American right now is that once again they screwed up so bad that everyone can see them running around naked with nothing but their crown on.

The difference this time is the "barbarians" as they would call working people, are paying attention and they voted in record numbers.

And uh oh, really bad news, this time Spartacus has made it to the throne.

Oops. Time for those CEOs, Hedge Fund managers and investment gurus, (we out here called them felons) to run to their offshore banks, make a withdrawal and head for their villas in countries that have no extradition treaties with the U.S.

Hey Bernie, can you spare a dime?

Muntadar al-Zaida: An American Story

Muntadar al-Zaidi: An American Story
By JT Seravat

So what’s next for the shoe-throwing Iraqi journalist?

So you don’t know or haven’t memorized the name Muntadar al-Zaidi yet?

That’ll change.

Here’s what’s in store for the soon-to-be-famous Iraqi reporter who threw his shoes at President George W. Bush. The man who will soon surpass Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher as 2008’s most insignificant person who was turned into a media darling, celebrity, author, speaker and –dare we say it?

Sarah Palin’s Vice Presidential running mate in 2012.

It will of course all start innocently enough.

A Sports Illustrated columnist will write a humor column about how Muntadar al-Zaidi was pretty accurate with his two throws. He’ll go on about both throws being in the strike zone, how Bush was crowding the plate and how clearly the other Iraqi journalists thought Al-Zaidi was throwing at Bush and that’s why they rushed from their chairs and a brawl ensued. The reporter appears on ESPN the same day.

This story will be noticed by a young public relations guy at the New York Yankees who will tell his boss George Steinbrenner. Steinbrenner, always looking for publicity (good or bad) invites Al-Zaidi to throw out the first pitch at the Yankees first spring training game in Florida in 2009.

After a reporter at AdAge magazine is tipped off about the Yankees story, he calls an agent friend with United Talent Agency and tells him the story.

The agent jumps on the firm’s new Gulfstream G5 jet, recently purchased from General Motors, and heads to Baghdad. A little payoff here and a payoff there and soon Al-Zaidi and his shoes are released into the agent’s personal recognizance and allowed to leave Iraq.

After a few phone calls from the Gulfstream, more than 300 reporters and photographers are waiting at JFK International Airport for the arrival of the agent and Muntadar “The Shoe Thrower” Al-Zaidi.

An exclusive with Matt Lauer of NBC’s Today Show the following morrning and then it’s over to Simon & Schuster to sign the contracts and pick up the $5 million advance check on Al-Zaidi’s book, “Terror in Iraq: The Story of One Brave Journalist and His Shoes.”

At a press conference, the agent tells the drooling media, “Well, there are still many offers coming in for Mr. Al-Zaidi’s services. We can today announce that we have signed an $8 million deal with Nike.”

CBS’ Katie Couric books the 30-minute “serious journalism” interview with Al-Zaidi, which will be aired over 10 nights on the CBS Evening News. (CBS spokesman adds “maybe 12 nights if we can sign Budweiser for the complete run.”)

Al-Zaidi’s left shoe is sold on eBay for $1,389,471.

Al-Zaidi’s agent circulates a rumor that Brittany Spears wishes to meet the journalist and then denies it as “just a rumor.”

Al-Zaidi is seen partying with Madonna and friends at some of NYC’s hottest clubs.

Two days later, Al-Zaidi goes hunting in Alaska with Sarah and “First Dude” Todd Palin. Palin’s people deny there were any discussions about 2012.

All is going well for Al-Zaidi. The next two weeks include an appearance on Letterman, a tentative film deal with Sony, an appearance with Dick Clark on New Year’s Eve and a Middle Eastern cooking segment with Emeril Live.

All the fame and fortune, however, comes to an end Jan. 15.

While appearing with Tom Cruise at a charity event for the Church of Scientology in Los Angeles, a reporter yells out, “O.J. has escaped from prison.”

Indeed O.J. Simpson had escaped from the High Desert State Prison in Indian Springs, Nev.

In a sad ending to the story of Muntadar “The Shoe Thrower” al-Zaidi, he and Cruise are trampled to death by the media running to their vehicles and satellite trucks to find Simpson.

Al-Zaidi’s agent sells the right to his client’s life story to Sony Pictures for $24.6 million.

First published December 16, 2008

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC

Palin to write a book

Where are Shi Huang and Li Si when you need them?
By JT Tavares

For those of you without a master’s degree in Chinese history, Shi Huang founded the Qin Dynasty in 221 B.C.E., and Li Si served as Huang’s Prime Minister.

More to the point, these guys burned books – lots and lots of books.

Including the books of Confucians.

Confucians were the followers of Chinese philosopher Confucius (551-479 B.C.E.).

He’s the guy who wrote, “Leaning without thought is labor lost; thought with learning is perilous.”

Hard to disagree with that, even in 2008, or in Alaska, or when listening to Sarah Palin speak.

So my question is this: If these guys got to burn Confucius’ books, can’t we start throwing wood and gasoline into 55-gallon barrels and get ready to burn Sarah Palin’s book?

Rumors are circulating that Palin could receive a $7 million advance to “you know, write and well, talking is right about, and if I do talk about writing, I’ll be floating a book writing and projects that, well it’s about the economy and jobs, and then writing.”

If you don’t understand that, just sit back and hallucinate what you think her book might contain.

Timothy O’Leary, who wrote “Confessions of a Hope Fiend” in 1973, was most likely still getting some pretty good LSD flashbacks then. Probably good enough to actually witness then-Soviet Premier Leonid Brezhnev float over his house and through the room where he was writing his book AND he only got a $250,000 advance ($1.2 million in today’s dollars).

Now, of course we can’t burn books, anyone’s book, for reasons even Bill O’Reilly wouldn’t argue with.

So, I have a better idea.

On Jan. 20, 2009, President Barack Obama should issue the following executive order:

“By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, including the pleading and begging of many professional writer and copy editors associations, it is hereby ordered that any Governor of a state in the United States or former Governor of any state in the United States wishing to write a book, shall published said book, written exclusively by that Governor without the aid of anyone. Therefore, the published book shall contain only the thoughts and writings of the Governor without any assistance from other writers, copy editors, proofreaders or ‘third-graders at Gladys Wood Elementary School in Alaska.’ ”

Hell, if Palin agrees to those terms and writes her book without any assistance, I’ll buy it and read it at a Starbucks. That way, there will be someone around to call 911 as I lay on the floor unable to stop laughing.

First published December 11, 2008

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC