Poor Bill and Hillary

Poor Bill and Hillary

By JT Seravat

They’re in debt.

Secretary of State nominee Hillary Clinton loaned $6.4 million to her campaign to be president and now she, and her husband, former President Bill Clinton, have only a few million left in savings, his $1.162 million in pension and expenses as a former president and her Senate salary. Oh, and don’t forget the millions in book royalties and speaking engagements for the couple.

These folks are in dire straits.

But fortunately for them, facing the hardship of high gas prices, high food prices, potential job layoffs and a mere $191,300 yearly salary for Hillary in her new job as Secretary of State won’t be so difficult.

For they have a friend in President-elect Barack Obama.

He has asked his supporters, you know, people like you and me making $30,000 to $50,00 a year, to spend our money to help pay off Clinton’s campaign debt.

We’ve actually started a fund here at the bar to help Hillary and Bill. Yes, Jimmy, put a big pickle jar up on the bar with a sign on it: “Help Bill and Hillary.” There’s even talk of a poker run. (For those of you unfamiliar with a poker run, think motorcycles driving to various bars, playing cards and alcohol.)

However, Jimmy says the poker run is contingent on Hillary agreeing to come to the poker run, put on a leather vest and leather pants, and ride bitch on Jimmy’s Harley.

I’m in the minority, but I’m telling people I don’t think Hillary will show.

The employees of the bar are having a bake sale in the parking lot Saturday. Cindy, one of the waitresses, is going to make and sell her brownies for $125 for a dozen. Cindy’s brownies are always popular, with that special cannabis spice she puts in them.

She wanted to send one to Bill Clinton, but I told her not to bother because he’d eat it, but he wouldn’t swallow.

We just hope, as I’m sure Americans all over the country hope, that enough money can be raised by Obama to help save his friends, the Clintons, from facing foreclosure on their mansion.

Clinton supporters from across the country have been emailing the Obama campaign and major media outlets for several days now.

To fully understand the depth of the Clinton’s financial problems and the vehement support for fundraising efforts to help the couple, we have decided to share just a few of the hundreds of thousands of e-mails we have seen.

• “After all Hillary’s hard work, it is a shame that she had to spend her own money to try and become president and then have the nomination stolen from her by the white male good ole boys running Obama’s campaign,” Wanda Kline, Wellesley, Mass.

• “Obama’s supporters should donate the entire $6.4 million and then some to poor Hillary to erase her campaign debt,” Stephen Rockfeld, Silver Springs, Md.

• “I heard that Hillary and Bill might be forced to sell one of their homes to pay off the debt. That’s disgraceful. The former King and…I mean, the former president and his wife shouldn’t be forced to live a lesser lifestyle just because Hillary tried to become president,” Janice Wellington, Dayton, Ohio.

•"May God pray for this poor couple that is facing a severe financial crisis. It is a travesty that such a fabulous couple that is so entertaining and graceful should be forced into this horrible situation. Might I add they were also so kind to attend a few of my private dinner parties in the last few years? Please, please send as much money as you can to this destitute couple,” Donald Trump, New York, N.Y.

Well, I believe that gives you a sampling of the outpouring of support for the Clintons.

If you would like to help these poor millionaires, you can call 500-WE-R-RICH or stop by our bar and put your paycheck in the “Help Bill and Hillary” pickle jar. Hell you and your family can go without food for a week – Bill and Hillary need you.

First published December 8, 2008

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC