Poor, Poor Realtors

As always, try your very best to remain sane as your read, "The Mad, Mad World of Your Hometown News." It's time for the wacky and wonderful antics of the fictitious people and events that make the news in our fictitious hometowns across Florida and the nation.

So keep your arms and legs in this coaster car and enjoy the ride. Here we go.

By JT Seravat

Vedderville, Fla. (SWG) - Like almost every community in Florida, the town of Vedderville, population 12,789, has suffered from a collapse of the real estate market. Housing prices are down 60 percent from their peak in 2005.

Housing sales are at a standstill, with only 3 houses sold here in October.

It should be no surprise that unemployment is up throughout town but real estate agents and brokers have seen their incomes cut down to almost nothing.

The news coming out of Vedderville this week, however sad, was not unexpected.

Vedderville's local paper the Vedderville Uniformer lead with sad news on page one of its weekly edition published according to a banner on their front page, "every Tuesday unless it's late then we'll get it to you on Wednesday."

Reporter Greg Allsmiles reported.

"Another Realtor was found passed out on the floor of the men’s room at Hannigans Bar Tuesday afternoon."

Well, this unfortunately is not uncommon in Vedderville.

We spoke with Mr. Allsmiles early Wednesday evening after he returned a call we made to him in the afternoon at 3 p.m. According to the receptionist at the Uniformer, reporter Allsmiles is unavailable in the afternoons between the hours of noon and 4 p.m. when he is napping.

"Yes, that makes the 38th Realtor to be found passed out in one of our local bars in the middle of the afternoon since the beginning of the year," said Allsmiles.

We also spoke with the towns board of realtors.

“It’s sad, and it’s a crisis,” said Vedderville Board of Realtors President Charlene Mackerel, adding, “I remember we faced this situation back in the mid 70’s when the real estate market collapsed. These poor Realtors, and in this market I mean poor, have nothing to do, so they end up in bars, drink too much and pass out. Our organization has started a program to encourage Realtors to change careers.”

Indeed the Vedderville Board of Realtors has tried to help.

The “Would You Like to Supersize That” program instituted by the VBR has already graduated 42 Realtors.

"These realtors must face the same reality as newspaper special section editors, wall street derivatives traders and other workers who have no real training in a useful field," said Mackerel. "They have to enter the exciting new world of hospitality or retail."

During our visit to Vedderville, we had the opportunity to meet one of VBR's former realtors and WYLST graduate, Egdum Brownybrook.

"I could not be more excited at the opportunity given to me by VBR President Mackerel for the retraining and new life they she and the board have given me," said Brownybrook.

Thanks to my training, the wonderful counseling I've received at the Dr Demento Free Clinic, the free "pleasure pills" perscribed by Vedderville's Dr. Kerry Kickback and the wonderful people here at my new employer, I'm happy all the time, said Brownybrook.

"Do you feel like this new career will fulfill you?" I asked Brownybrook.

"Feel, you don't understand, I love my life now," he said, adding, "I don't feel a damn thing thanks to my medication and two hours at the bar after work everyday and I have no responsibilty anymore.

"Well, I best get back to work here," said Brownybrook.

"Thank you for speaking to me for my story," I told Brownybrook.

"Oh no," he said, "Thank you. And thank you for shopping at Walmart."

Well, this is JT Seravat reporting. I'll see you again with more news from hometowns all across Florida and the good old U.S.A. Until then remember if your in school, stay in school and not in real estate school.

Next, I'll blog all over you from Grumpyton, Fla. where the annual "Bah Humbug Pageant" takes place each holiday season.

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC