Santa's Missing - Part Two

As always, try your very best to remain sane as your read, "The Mad, Mad World of Your Hometown News." It's time for the wacky and wonderful antics of the fictitious people and events that make the news in our fictitious hometowns across Florida and the nation.

So keep your arms and legs in this coaster car and enjoy the ride. Here we go.

By JT Seravat

Part two of a three-part series.

Kimcoola, Fla. (SWG) - The blonde (Kimcoola Public Information Officer Pamela Nocomment) and brunette (Kimcoola Nonews Gazette Gossip Columnist Courtney Cox) were picked up outside a women’s club on the east side of the City of Our Lady of the Sorrows of the Great Meadow.

And, ladies and gentlemen, it appears the women’s club is not the same kind of women’s club that the God-fearing, respectful, fine women attend in the city of Kimcoola, Fla.

No.

This place, according to the Kralc County Sheriff’s Office, was called Tribabe’s.

Kralc County State’s Attorney Moe Fine announced he hasn’t decided whether charges will be filed against the pair.

A press conference was held by city and county officials.

“Well, when one of our KCSO female undercover detectives, Det. Sandra Sinfilled, walked into Tribabe’s she immediately spotted Santa," said KCSO spokesman Red "JJ" Anderson.

KCSA's Fine spoke next, "According to Sinfilled's report, ‘Santa was dancing with five to seven women and appeared to be enjoying himself unlike any kidnap victim I’ve ever seen.’

Fine continued, "As a result of her report, our office intends to interview as many of the women who were in the club last night as possible before reaching a decision on whether charges will be filed. Are there any questions?”

“Yeah, Ned Dumbnuts, Great Meadow Action News — Your Hometown 37 News Station — All Local News — All the Time here. Was the female undercover officer on duty while she was prowling through the Tribabe's? Second, could you describe the undercover officer and what she was wearing? Or even better, is there any surveillance tape from inside the Tribabe’s that we could air over and over and over again until we air it one more time during May sweeps?” Dunkin asked.

“No, you slime,” said Fine.

Police speculate that Anderson and Cox had thrown Santa in the trunk of their 1966 Thunderbird and driven straight to the City of Our Lady of the Sorrows of the Great Meadow.

Witnesses interviewed by law enforcement said the duo had checked into the Half-Hour $20. Open All Night Motel and then shortly afterward headed out with Santa.

They were next seen at Tama’s Diner, where they were served by waitress Floly Greensheets. “I wasn’t suspicious because I was working back to back to back to back double shifts to be able to afford a Christmas tree and some gifts for me and my kids, so I hadn’t seen the news in days. The guy that owns this place doesn’t allow us to have a TV or radio. Anyway, everything seemed normal to me. In this city, a blonde and a brunette dressed like they were going to work at a strip club out for dinner with Santa Claus is not abnormal,” said Greensheets.

Well, this is JT Seravat reporting. I'll see you again with more news from hometowns all across Florida and the good old U.S.A. Until then we will keep you informed. Will Santa be found? Is he safe? Will the toys be delivered on time? How is Rudolph holding up under the intense emotional strain?

To be continued.

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC