Laziness is painless, it brings on absolutely no changes

As always, try your very best to remain sane as your read, "The Mad, Mad World of Your Hometown News." It's time for the wacky and wonderful antics of the fictitious people and events that make the news in our fictitious hometowns across Florida and the nation.

So keep your arms and legs in this coaster car and enjoy the ride. Here we go

By JT Seravat

Egdum, Fla. (SWG) - Although it is considered one of the most desirable towns to live in Florida, at least by Ninety is Nifty magazine, Egdum is not know for being the brightest or most productive of Florida's towns and cities.

In fact, according to town historian, Florence Fickleheimer, the only thing she recalls that has happened of any significance between the town's founding in 1924 and today, is when Ellie the Elephant escaped from town in 1974 and ran away to join the circus. Apparently, Ellie had been working for the railroad prior to running away.

Fickleheimer added that after working in the circus for over a decade, Ellie started the American Federation of Large Animals at Circuses (AFLAC). The union went on to win basic rights for all animals performing in circuses throughout the world. Ellie retired from performing and as president of AFLAC in 1992, moving to La Jolla, Ca. When asked why she choose California instead of her birth place Florida to retire, Ellie is reported to have said, "The weather's nicer and the people are smarter."

So, despite the great event of Ellie escape, people are not surprised that they don't hear much about Egdum, Fla.

But what's happened in the last year has even the people of this sleepy town concerned.

"You see, we're use to people going through their lives without caring much 'bout anything. Doing just about as little as they have to, to keep their jobs and survive, but the last year's been scary," said longtime town Mayor William "Sleepy" Simpson.

You see, people are not showing up for work, showing up and only putting in 5-6 hour days and well some people are just walking around their jobs drinking tea and talking all day. It's a mystery.

Scientist from the Institute for Small Town Labor Studies have been in Egdum for three months and concluded the problem is systemic.

It appears that this phoenomenom is the result of a sort of "Reverse Management Pyramid" theory according to the STLS.

The STLS has found it to be the only reason the entire town is incapable of accomplishing anything.

"The theory most definitely applies here. These people, if they ever were productive, became incapable of doing any work after years of the laziest, incompetent and uncaring people rising to the highest management positions. This of course makes it impossible for any workers under these managers to care about accomplishing things since their managers care less than they do," according to Theodore Kran, director of laziness studies at STLS.

Mr. Kran and his colleagues plan to publish the results of their findings in American Labor News under the headline, "The Egdum Syndrome: Disintegration of American Worker Intergrity."

Well, this is JT Seravat reporting. I'll see you again with more news from hometowns all across Florida and the good old U.S.A. Until then remember, when all is said and done, you must live with how you lived you're life.

Next, I'll blog all over you from Bucklebutt, Fla. where the newly elected city council passes an ordinance require men not to wear their pants to high over their hips.

Published Feb. 27, 2009

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC