Screaming

As always, try your very best to remain sane as your read, "The Mad, Mad World of Your Hometown News." It's time for the wacky and wonderful antics of the fictitious people and events that make the news in our fictitious hometowns across Florida and the nation.

So keep your arms and legs in this coaster car and enjoy the ride. Here we go

By JT Seravat

Linnville, Fla. (SWG) - Women in this lovely East Coast Florida village who were wearing any red clothing began screaming hysterically Sunday afternoon, and as of press time today nothing has been able to stop them.

At 3:21 p.m. Sunday Linnville Police received a call from Hannigan’s Bar.

These are the exact words of bartender Shirley McTinkle taken from her 911 call to LPD.

“This is Shirley, the bartender over here at Hannigan’s, and you better send a cop over here. About five minutes ago this women started screaming and she won’t stop. She ain’t even drunk. Here. Listen.” (Screaming can be heard in the background.)

LPD officers arrived and the woman, later identified as Cindy Sinatowallen, would not stop screaming.

“Gulliver was cuffed, placed in a patrol car and a decision was made to take her to Linnville For Profit Hospital for observation,” said LPD Chief Rudy Backford.

Sinatowallon is still screaming.

But that’s not the worse news.

There are now a total of 73 Linneville women all under five foot tall who are screaming continuously for no known reason.

A team from the Centers for Disease Control has been at Linnville For Profit Hospital working with city and county health officials to try to determine why these women are screaming.
“We’re attempting to come up with some methodology for testing why these women are screaming.” said CDC spokeswoman Dr. Robin Patchman.

“Testing of their brains seems to indicate that they reached a point of massive, uncontrollable hysteria that was going to result in a nervous system collapse. Needing an outlet for the nervous system hysteria overload, the brain told these women to start screaming,” said Patchman.

Whatever may be causing it, it is becoming a problem as hospital staff who are reportedly going crazy listening to this screaming.

The Army Corps of Engineers has been called in to build a 35,000 square foot temporary dormitory facility that is soundproof to house the screaming women until medical personnel can figure out how to stop it.

Well, this is JT Seravat reporting. I'll see you again with more news from hometowns all across Florida and the good old U.S.A. Until then remember, ear plugs go on sale at L Mart starting today.

Next, I'll blog all over you from Tillytown, Fla. where the local water district holds its major event of the year.

Published Jan 8, 2009

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC