Disappearing

As always, try your very best to remain sane as your read, "The Mad, Mad World of Your Hometown News." It's time for the wacky and wonderful antics of the fictitious people and events that make the news in our fictitious hometowns across Florida and the nation.

So keep your arms and legs in this coaster car and enjoy the ride. Here we go

By JT Seravat

Flattown, Fla. (SWG) - Over the last two weeks, Flattown Police have taken six reports of missing persons.

Is that a lot?

"Well, for Flattown, that would be a lot in a year.

We are definitely concerned about this and looking for any pattern that may exist." said Flattown Police Department Det. George Garrison.

I asked Garrison if these disappearances could have anything to do with Jane Granite of Lemonville, Fla. vanishing into a giant beam of light from the sky on Nov. 29, 2008 when she was holed up in the Toy Train Repair Station while evading arrest. (See "Activist goes Crazy" - Nov. 24, 2008)

“We’re looking into that possibility, but don't say anything about that because we don’t want to cause a panic, you know.” said Garrison.

We know.

The last thing we want to do is tell people you could be walking into L Mart to buy a pair of socks when a giant beam of light lifts you into the sky and aboard an alien spacecraft where the aliens take this device that looks like a combination between a pair of alligator pliers and a sicle and....

Boy, that was close. We also let the horrible mutated cat out of the bag. You could just sense the hysteria and panic about to begin.

It is true that Granite was lifted into the sky on the morning of Nov. 29, 2008 when she was avoiding arrest by the Lemonville Police Department. Over 30 people witnessed that including several LPD officers and Dr. Zachary Smith from the Search for Extra Terrestrials.

Garrison did point out that TPD was especially concerned since the people disappearing were not downtrodden people like photographers, sports writers, truckers or housekeepers.

No, these were regular normal people like realtors, ad salespeople, business owners and authors.

Garrison said he would consider requesting help from federal authorities if TPD gets no additional leads.

Is it possible this is a hoax perpetrated by those people who have disappeared.

But Garrison doubts it because TPD can’t find any connection between the parties.

We’ll keep you posted.

Well, this is JT Seravat reporting. I'll see you again with more news from hometowns all across Florida and the good old U.S.A. Until then remember, well, maybe carry baby powder with you at all times. In case you disappear you can spread it on yourself and they can find you. Hey, it's worth a shot.

Next, I'll blog all over you from Egdum, Fla. where people are mysteriously becoming incapable of accomplishing anything, anything at all.

Published Feb. 17, 2009.

© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC