Florida's wonderful senior drivers
As always, try your very best to remain sane as your read, "The Mad, Mad World of Your Hometown News." It's time for the wacky and wonderful antics of the fictitious people and events that make the news in our fictitious hometowns across Florida and the nation.
So keep your arms and legs in this coaster car and enjoy the ride. Here we go.
By JT Seravat
VARAKA, Florida (SWG) - Like many Florida communities this town of 15,893 on Florida's west coast has a large population of senior citizens.
So city officials were busy studying a report of a 10-year study of senior driving habits released Tuesday by Florida's Office of Senior Studies.
The report, "Drivers Over 85: Habits and Hazards" is a 496-page report detailing everything from "Collisions with Sidewalk Benches: How They Happen and Can They Be Averted?" to "Staying in Your Lane: You Can Do It."
"This report will be a valuable resource to educate our older drivers as to what they are doing wrong and how to correct their driving habits," said OSS Director Bearkus Geta.
"Our hope is to reduce the number of accidents involving senior over 85 by 30 percent over the next five years," Geta added.
Not all of this town's residents were happy with the report's findings and conclusions.
Varaka resident and co-chair of the group, Freedom to Drive: You're Never Too Old, Theodore GelkinTee was swift to react to the report.
"This is a travesty; the state spent millions of dollars to do a study that, at least at first glance, is nothing more than a bunch of anecdotal evidence, which is put together like it's a factual report. It's a canard," said GelkinTee, adding, "This is simply an attempt to take driver licenses away from seniors."
"Anyway, everyone knows it's those damn 20-year-olds in those little souped-up, 4-cylinder foreign cars causing all the problems," GelkinTee said, "That's a fact."
The report summary cites 65 "egregious errors committed by senior drivers on a regular basis."
The top five on the list were:
Having one's attention diverted, or vision blocked, by a small, hyperactive, matted-hair dog wearing a "cute" little coat and /or hat that is allowed to roam free in the vehicle, while yapping constantly because it hasn't had its dog Ritalin.
Forgetting that you're driving your vehicle while you are actually driving your vehicle.
Stopping in the middle of a road for no apparent reason.
Taking more time to make a simple left turn then it takes to do a 180 degree turn of the 1,052-foot long, 82,655-ton United States Naval Aircraft carrier John F. Kennedy in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Failing to sell your big four-door American sedan and signing up for your county's transit service, "Take the damn bus."
"This report will be used as an attempt to take licenses away from seniors over 85 and if it becomes law our organization will fight this all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary. Damn, I'll organize protests and have people handcuff themselves to their cars. We will not allow the state and those damn 20-year-olds to tell us what we can and can't do," said GelkinTee.
Well, this is JT Seravat reporting. I'll see you again with more news from hometowns all across Florida and the good old U.S.A. Until then remember, look both ways before you cross the street here in Varaka, Florida.
Next, I'll blog all over you from the lovely center of the state to Hottashell County where budget cuts are causing a few "issues."
VARAKA, Florida (SWG) - Like many Florida communities this town of 15,893 on Florida's west coast has a large population of senior citizens.
So city officials were busy studying a report of a 10-year study of senior driving habits released Tuesday by Florida's Office of Senior Studies.
The report, "Drivers Over 85: Habits and Hazards" is a 496-page report detailing everything from "Collisions with Sidewalk Benches: How They Happen and Can They Be Averted?" to "Staying in Your Lane: You Can Do It."
"This report will be a valuable resource to educate our older drivers as to what they are doing wrong and how to correct their driving habits," said OSS Director Bearkus Geta.
"Our hope is to reduce the number of accidents involving senior over 85 by 30 percent over the next five years," Geta added.
Not all of this town's residents were happy with the report's findings and conclusions.
Varaka resident and co-chair of the group, Freedom to Drive: You're Never Too Old, Theodore GelkinTee was swift to react to the report.
"This is a travesty; the state spent millions of dollars to do a study that, at least at first glance, is nothing more than a bunch of anecdotal evidence, which is put together like it's a factual report. It's a canard," said GelkinTee, adding, "This is simply an attempt to take driver licenses away from seniors."
"Anyway, everyone knows it's those damn 20-year-olds in those little souped-up, 4-cylinder foreign cars causing all the problems," GelkinTee said, "That's a fact."
The report summary cites 65 "egregious errors committed by senior drivers on a regular basis."
The top five on the list were:
Having one's attention diverted, or vision blocked, by a small, hyperactive, matted-hair dog wearing a "cute" little coat and /or hat that is allowed to roam free in the vehicle, while yapping constantly because it hasn't had its dog Ritalin.
Forgetting that you're driving your vehicle while you are actually driving your vehicle.
Stopping in the middle of a road for no apparent reason.
Taking more time to make a simple left turn then it takes to do a 180 degree turn of the 1,052-foot long, 82,655-ton United States Naval Aircraft carrier John F. Kennedy in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Failing to sell your big four-door American sedan and signing up for your county's transit service, "Take the damn bus."
"This report will be used as an attempt to take licenses away from seniors over 85 and if it becomes law our organization will fight this all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary. Damn, I'll organize protests and have people handcuff themselves to their cars. We will not allow the state and those damn 20-year-olds to tell us what we can and can't do," said GelkinTee.
Well, this is JT Seravat reporting. I'll see you again with more news from hometowns all across Florida and the good old U.S.A. Until then remember, look both ways before you cross the street here in Varaka, Florida.
Next, I'll blog all over you from the lovely center of the state to Hottashell County where budget cuts are causing a few "issues."
© 2008 Seravat Writers Group LLC
Labels: senior drivers
posted by JT Seravat @ 2:34 PM
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